Forward

I hope she’s someone you’re proud of.
I hope she’s someone whose hands you’ll not let go of when you spot a familiar shadow.
I hope she’s someone you don’t hide.

I hope she’s someone whom you’ll plan dates and buy flowers for.
I hope she’s someone you’ll proudly declare your love for.
I hope she’s someone you’ll bring home.

I hope she’s someone who can bring you immense happiness.

I hope she’s someone who came into your life at the right time, and
I hope she’s someone who’ll stay.

Do I still miss you?

/Monday 23 January 2017 9PM

I love rainy days.
They are extra nostalgic.

They remind me of my rain obsession back when I was fifteen/ sixteen.

They remind me of people and moments.

First, I think of the people.
The people whom I thought was constant.
The people whom I’ve lost and really miss,
The people who held all the evidences of my adolescences.

Then, I remember the moments.
Moments we shared because of the rain;
Watching the clouds swirl before a storm,
Looking down at the falling raindrops, pretending them to be snow.
Moments we shared in the rain;
Parting early against wills because the raindrops are getting heavier,
only to realised after that we both don’t mind getting wet if it meant another minute together.

These people are not in my life anymore.
These people whom I was so sure that will never leave.
They took little pieces of me along with them when they walked away,
Pieces I’ve learnt to live without, to put into the “Not Allowed” drawer in the darkest corner of my heart.

But on some rainy days,
I allow myself to think of these people, and these moments.
I allow myself to miss them a little. To miss them a lot.
I allow myself to be sad over the What Ifs, Could Haves, Maybes.

/Tuesday 24 January 2017 2AM
But the rain will eventually stop.
I took a dump.

I went to bed thinking of Now.
Of the people and the moments, in the recent past and soon to be present.
I am thankful.
My heart started to fill.

The regrets of my adolescence will be packed away into the “Not Allowed” drawer in the darkest corner of my heart, waiting for the next rainy day.
I will wake up to a room flooded with warm morning sunlight.

I need all the space to let the light in.

I need all the space for Now.

/
Do I still miss you?
Sometimes, maybe.

When the rain can’t stop pouring, please know that I’m thinking of you.